GIFT #13 - Where do you end and I begin?

I had a conversation with a friend today about how I may tend to say too much, too often. The chat reminded me of a recent blog post where I recalled feedback from one of my professors about self-disclosure.

My friend gave me feedback that sharing information because I want to be transparent doesn't mean my information will be taken well or that I wouldn't cause pain.

That took a bit of effort to get my mind around.

I had a bit of resistance towards that piece of feedback. I mean yes, on one hand, I totally get that I can still cause pain even when I don't intend to. I have been more careful in the last couple of years with the kind of action I take with the intentions that I have. I understand that intentions do not equal impact.

In this particular case, the conversation revolved around certain people who tend to think negatively about everything. If nothing I say will be received with some benefit of the doubt, is there anything I can do about the impact of my words?

If people still choose to think meanly of my words despite having worked with me for years and seeing only kindness, why is it that their choice to perceive me negatively overrides my intentions to speak truth?

An organizational psychologist I deeply admired wrote this about a month ago:

You can try to explain your intentions, but it's up to other people to judge your impact. You can't call yourself fair, loyal, or helpful. You can only strive to live by those values. Virtues aren't meant to be claimed with words. They're meant to be earned with actions.

The statement above presumes people will fairly judge your actions and words and that the person speaking is one who doesn't practice what they preach.

I can back up my words with years of action and impact that has benefited my circle but people who are prone to negativity (I know several) will still judge me for being what I am not. People who are envious and insecure, or think they are always right will still choose to twist my intentions. People who are cynical about everything will still put me down.

I will not give power to cynics who have nothing good to say about anybody. If I did, I would once again be hustling for my worth. Why should I pander to pessimists? Why do I need to keep diminishing myself so someone stays happily ignorant, oblivious to how their negativity causes everyone around them to walk on eggshells?

Where does my space and my identity begin and end?

PS - I will work on saying less and only sharing my stories with people who have earned the right to hear them à la Brené Brown.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay