TILT # 25: Learn to say, "NO!"

Here's the first of my stories for my lessons on frugality. I'm no Suze Orman or Robert Kiyosaki or anybody who can claim to host a "Masterclass" on finances (how does one get designated a "Master" anyway?). I am, however, living life debt-free, paid off two mortgages for two homes, both within six years of starting, with the second mortgage double the size of the first. We have paid for our cars with cash and traveled to faraway places. These are just my stories and lessons. They may or may not work for you but they have worked for me.

So, my first tip was to learn to say NO. Say NO to what the world says you MUST have to be cool, popular, happy, respected, whole, etc. etc. etc.. This means exercising discernment about what matters and what doesn't.

Say NO to the temptation to live beyond your means. Live within your means. Do not spend more than you have. This sounds like common sense but it seems very uncommon as I read about the number of Canadians living in debt. Credit cards give a false sense of security as you do not have to pay immediately for your purchases. Not paying fully when your debt is due the following month means racking up interest rates and you end up having to pay more when you finally pay.

Say NO to the fear of missing out. Notice I said to say NO to the fear. I did not say to say NO to missing out. I reframed what "missing out" meant to me. I looked for joy-inducing cheaper experiences. Once I acknowledged that I did not have the means to eat out all the time or to buy coffees from coffee shops three times a week or to go on fancy-schmancy island vacations at 5-star resorts every year, I stopped judging myself as being " not enough". I started breaking down the meaning of these things and the power of what they said of my own personal value. Just because I had no money did not mean I had no value.

Just because I had no money did not mean I had no value. Sit with this one for a moment longer, if you need to.

My biggest inspiration for this lesson is my mom. She was one of four kids born to a gentle couple. Her dad used to accompany big lumber trucks from the rain forest to neighbouring towns. He was not the driver, just the assistant that helps load and unload the logs. The family was poor. The most memorable story I heard was of the family huddling together under one lightbulb in the kitchen. Supper was plain rice congee. Congee is simply some rice cooked in a lot of water, a rice porridge. For many poor families, this made the rice go further. Hanging from the lightbulb, my grandma had tied a piece of salted fish. My mom recalls the family taking a sniff of the salted fish with every spoonful of rice congee they ate... this story gets me teary-eyed, even to this day.

Despite my grandfather's hard work, the family remained poor and two of the four kids had to be sent away to family members in other cities to be cared for. My mom was one of them. She was sent to an uncle who already had nine or ten kids of his own. They were not rich but welcomed her as family. Because of where they lived, my mom got to attend one of the top public high schools in the country. She was one of the brightest students and should have gone on to university but there was no money for that. Mom started working and learning English by singing English songs. She met my dad this way.

My dad was English educated and was interested to meet the young lady singing English songs so delightfully in the apartment across from his. My dad has his own story of living within his means. He was the 3rd of 10 kids. His oldest brother and sister went into teacher training colleges as soon as high school was done so they could help support the family. My dad wanted to go to university but there was no money for that. Familiar phrase. So, he figured out the most affordable way he could get a university degree and pursued it. This meant getting a 3rd class ticket on a ship to India from Malaysia. What this means is you sleep out on the deck. Landing in what is now Kolkata on the east coast of India, my dad took the cheapest ticket on a train across the sub-continent of India to the state of Punjab way in the west and studied at a university there to get his science degree. You can check out YouTube for train rides in India like this one: https://youtu.be/Pe3L9ebp7Jc

Fast forward many years, my mom received medals from the Sultan of the state as well as the King of the country for her amazing contribution to her community. My dad, after getting the "golden handshake" from his big oil company, in his 50s, was immediately snapped up by a competitor (the company that owns the only twin towers left in the world) for his valuable knowledge and enjoyed another decade or so of traveling the world on business trips and contributing his knowledge to the younger generation. My parents modeled for me that it is completely okay to live with what you have because the rewards are later and greater. They did not have money in their early years but that did not define their value and worth. They missed out on some things but they did not miss out on everything.

Surprisingly, my saying NO to unnecessary spending in my early adulthood paved the way to many Yeses, even through the lean years. More stories to follow.

Image by Gordon Johnson from Pixabay