TILT # 28 - Your turn will come..

Wow. August 21st was my last blog post. Today is the 23rd of October. Two months of silence. I have so many things I am saying to myself about myself and my commitment to writing but let me take a moment to STOMP on the negative self-talk that is just messing with my creative mojo.

STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! Whoosh! Kapow! Bam! Oh yeah!!?? Well, take a LONG walk off a SHORT pier! And I hope you don't know how to swim!!!

So, where were we? Aahhh....silence. Well, y'know. Life happened... kinda like sh*t happens? So many small and big decisions made within an 8-week period. A few will surface as posts in the future but today, I wanted to focus on something I heard during a concert several years ago. I was listening to the musical group, Caves, at a concert and the personal story of the lead singer, Josh McCabe, caught my heart as it mirrored a bit of what I was going through.

Josh talked about his season of transition from a reliable day-to-day job as a pastor to a full-on focus on music as a singer/ songwriter (potentially not-so-reliable source of income). He shared that in those months of looking for direction and confirmation, he felt as if he was an arrow, being stretched together with the bow. What he saw were people moving ahead in their careers and in their areas of calling while he felt being pulled and held back. It was a period of frustration and worry.

I totally get that imagery. I too have felt like an arrow pulled way-y-y back while the bow was being stretched taut for MANY years! I have seen lots of people run ahead of me, making impacts in their areas of expertise and I saw myself in this one, big, long pause of neither here nor there. Yes, I was having an effect in the area where I have been placed but the last few years have had me wondering, "Is this all there is? Am I made for just this?" My spirit was restless for more even though I was making a difference.

Josh's encouragement to all who heard his story was to remember that although the archer pulls the arrow back, that same action is priming the arrow to fly forward, potentially at a speed that defeats all others.

I feel like my arrow, drawn back all these years, is about to be released! I will go further than I ever thought I would. I will attempt scary things I never did before, like speaking up to cut through the BS when in dialogue with people in power, like putting my real name down next to my creative piece of work or asking questions to clarify intentions in conflictual conversations with people I care about instead of just acquiescing in silence. Scary because some people in my circle are going to be shocked out of their minds when they hear me take my stand.

Steve Jobs supposedly said, "You can achieve audacious goals if you have the courage and perseverance to pursue them. Make a dent in the universe." So, I am going to pursue my dreams of becoming a published author by writing more prolifically, following in the footsteps of a dear girlfriend who produces 150 to 280 blog posts a year. I'm letting go of my desire to have prettily wrapped blog posts that I hope people can benefit from even as I store my thoughts for my family. Goodness. What if they never read what I write? I guess so what, eh?

I'm an arrow that's just been released. Watch out world.

Image by David Reed from Pixabay