TILT # 30 - Reach out for help

So far, I've been pretty good at doing one creative thing a day. Since the last blog post, I have figured out Instagram and posted one item daily. I have also completed my first attempt at showcasing myself on LinkedIn. Truth be told, I felt naked after making all the adjustments I was asked to make by a career advisor at university who went through my profile with a fine-tooth comb. Although I hate the idea of networking, I understand LinkedIn is one of the many digital tools I can use to keep taking steps forward in shaping my career path.

Speaking about career paths, these past few days, I've been contemplating whether to pursue being a teaching assistant (TA) or not at the university level. Logically speaking, this makes perfect sense as my 5-year vision board includes my teaching at the college level. So, how else to get experience to support my CV but to jump in and just Nike-Do-It, right?

After months of learning and getting the message that leaps of faith are necessary if I ever want to cross the chasm, whatever that chasm might represent, here I am, poised at the edge of the cliff, still scared sh*tless, not sure if I want to jump. So many "what-ifs" are attacking my mind - what if I can't help the students? What if the students are smarter than me and they figure out I don't know what I'm doing? What if I make my professor look bad (coz after all he/she hired me as a TA right? What if this commitment takes more time than they said it would? What if I figure out that I DON'T have what it takes?

Ouch.

This last question reminds me of one other question a classmate presented to me some months ago during one of my many bouts of fighting with self-esteem and self-confidence. She said, "What will it take for you to see that you CAN do this?"

I could not answer her question then. Bloody smart question! Stopped my spiraling dead in its tracks. I cannot say that my classmate's astuteness has cured me once and forever of my wretched perfectionism but her inquiry has reminded me often, to look for actual proof that indicates my capacity and ability to do more than I think I can. Thanks, D. Love you for lots of things, including your wisdom.

This adds strength to something one of my professors said. She's the one whose course work is the reason I started this blog anyway. She refused to grant our class a blanket extension for a big assignment we were all struggling with. When asked why, she said something like, "People have to realize when they need help and then ask for the help themselves." I bet if she's reading this now, she'll comment to correct my recollection. 😉😃

So, this week, I am in need of some help/ oomph/ courage to make that leap of faith across my What-if chasm as I contemplate equipping myself for a change in career. I found inspiration in some of Eleanor Roosevelt's quotes which I have put in a short video shared here, using photos from my travels near and far. I think underneath all this fear is also the grief that I am possibly saying goodbye to one of the most rewarding seasons of my life. Why would I give up something I love and am absolutely brilliant at, in favour of the unknown?

Why, indeed?