TILT # 40 - A change of 1 degree equals a new destination 111 kms away

I'm currently reading a book by William Bridges called Transitions, Making Sense of Life's Changes (2019). Among other things, Bridges talks about how for changes to be meaningful and take effect, one must go through the journey of transitions. And transitions, he argues, always begin with an ending. To start doing things a new way, one needs to let go of doing things the old way.

Letting go of old ways is hard for me. Even when the old ways no longer serve me or fit the person I have become. There is much to uncover in why that is for me. For today though, my exercise was in making small changes. I often say to my students that small changes in their personal choices don't look like much at the time that decision to change is made. Fast forward weeks, months, and years, that one small choice results in a whole different story in some cases. I try to pull out a map or a globe to illustrate what I mean.

One degree on a map is a difference of 111 kilometers. If I am planning to go to Singapore but enter my coordinates by one degree off to the north at the start of my journey (accidentally or intentionally because give or take 1 degree, what's the big deal?), I will arrive in the city of Malacca in a whole different country of Malaysia. While both are perfectly interesting cities to visit (I have been to both), my final destination was off by over a hundred kilometers because of that seemingly insignificant first step.

So today was a bit of a trial run with doing and being different. The day started with the usual crafting of my "To Do" list. I knew it was as ambitious as it normally is. So I cut the list by a third, telling myself that it was "good enough". Part of the list included going to a waterfront park with my book and doing some reading there. I can be quite a fast reader so I figured a 90-minute uninterrupted stop would make fast work of my book. On the way to the park, I arranged to stop to pick up a Beaver Tail, a Canadian "flat donut" of simple yumminess My go-to favourite order is the Killaloe Sunrise which is the basic flat fried dough, the shape of a beaver's tail (hence the name) sprinkled with cinnamon sugar served with a lemon wedge (so I can squeeze lemon juice on my treat when ready).

My first change? I set aside the little pang of guilt and chose a more expensive flavour on the menu! I have no issues spending extra on others but I have difficulty choosing something "more" for myself. So, hurrah for my banana chocolate Beaver Tail!

When I got to my waterfront park, the plan was to set up my foldable lawn chair near a pretty weeping willow, looking out to the water, and read my book for an hour and a half. Well, clouds had set in and it was windy. It was actually cold. I had my hands on that folding chair in my car and thought what a bugger it would be to have to refold it nicely to fit back into its snug carrier so, I opted to find a good and decent rock instead that I could sit on to enjoy my Beaver Tail treat and read my book. I found one such rock!

Did I mention it was getting cold? And I said it was windy right? My still warm, freshly prepared dessert got room temperature and then cold quite quickly. My unbound long hair got too close to the chocolate and banana topping too often what with the wind. The sky was no longer a vibrant azure blue the way it was when I first left my house. It was just a plain and simple sky blue. Yes, there is a difference. Go ahead and Google it.

I found myself noticing the absence of CALM in me as I did my best to conjure up what I had originally dreamt up for this moment in my day. Y'know, a serene reading spot where I'd enjoy a sweet treat while efficiently devour AND remember all the nuggets in my book with an occasional meaningful glance at the life walking around and past me. Yep. I am quite the dreamer.

Long story short, what I had put in my storyboard for this afternoon did not materialize as planned. As soon as I finished my Beaver Tail, I got back in my car. Did I mention it was cold? I tried reading my book but the driver's seat wasn't all that comfy. Are you laughing or crying with me?

Still, I celebrate what did happen:

1. I chose a treat for myself (yes, I confess that I did not buy a single Beaver Tail to bring home to the family)

2. I did not beat myself up for failing to finish reading my book this afternoon

3. I forgave myself for having nothing to show as "completed" i.e. no checkmark when I got home almost two hours after I left

4. I let myself write a blog post before going to bed instead of rushing to finish my book or finish a writing assignment for a major project because my spirit needed to write this now

The old me would have given me failing marks for today. I honestly have accomplished nothing major today. Everything is half-done and I am simply going to bed now. I cannot see where exactly my 1-degree change will bring me. I sure hope it is someplace lovely. Lovelier than the mess I felt today.