TILT # 41 - Friends that are closer than family - keep them when you find them

As an immigrant, I have lived 12 time zones from my birth family for over 3 decades. The introvert in me takes a long time to develop friendships. Not everyone you meet has the capacity to love all that is good, bad, and ugly about you and still cheer you on to your highest potential. When you come across such people, hold them close to your heart and cherish the blessing of having crossed paths with them. This post is to celebrate two such earthly angels in my life.

Recently, I caught a fever that I could not shake. The supermom in me did what I do best. Self-medicate. Grit my teeth. Tough it out. As my fever spiked and deadlines loomed, the ever-present of concern of whether Covid-19 had somehow found its way into me was like a repetitive billboard on a highway to nowhere.

A dear colleague from grad school had done her regular check-in to see how I was doing. When she discovered my illness and knew of my deadlines, she wished me well. More than that, despite her own insane schedule of responsibilities and obligations, she zeroed in on something really important to me. I had wanted to apply for a certain job with the university and the deadline was now 2 days away and I had a fever of 103°F and had not sent in my application. My friend asked if she could apply to the position on my behalf. Did I mention she had an insane plate of her own to handle?

How could I heap on more work on someone whose plate was already overflowing? But how could I hog the blessing of giving to others, as if I am the only one allowed to give? And what does it say about my abilities for the job if I can't even take care of the full application myself? Well, the last question was easy to answer. No matter what happened or did not, I was fully qualified for the job. As for the other questions, the answer became clear as day as I considered how to honour the generous offer from an amazing human being who was my friend and my colleague.

I ended up asking for my colleague's help in drafting my cover letter for the position. She already knew me well, including my interest for the position. This allowed me time and energy to adjust my résumé accordingly for the job opening. I was right in expecting there would be very little for me to adjust in the cover letter she wrote for me. She zoomed in on my strengths for the position and everything she wrote was pretty much what I would have said, IF, I felt the freedom to speak so highly and well of myself.

Seeing myself from the eyes of my colleague was a huge life-giving gift. I had recently felt the power of owning and telling my own story. But reading my colleague's cover letter representing who I am and all that I can do displayed the power of my story being reflected back to me by someone who had intently and carefully listened for the past few years to who I was and what I was capable of. My heart grew warn and my tears flowed freely as I read her words over several times.

From now on, I know that it is not enough to simply write or own our stories. The power of storytelling includes having people reflect back to us what they hear or know of our stories. To hear someone else's understanding and appreciation of what we are capable of was incredibly affirming. This experience will be part of my future lesson plans, whether I am teaching at college level or if I am facilitating a group of professionals navigating crises at their workplaces.

The other earthly angel friend I celebrate is the one who pushed me to seek medical help after my fever continued through to Day 5 despite a negative Covid test. Without her firm push, I would have self-medicated myself to an even worse condition. She's an emergency room doctor who kept herself available to be my advocate if I needed one while I navigated the perils of a potentially eternal wait at a hospital emergency room. Due to Covid restrictions, all patients present themselves individually at the hospital. They sit through what they need to sit through (these days at least a 6-hour wait) until the medical professionals can figure out what help they might need.

My friend drove over 20kms on her day off to the hospital where I was, just to see if she could be of service. Of course, she did not get to come in to accompany me but knowing that I had a caring and expert advocate, quickly accessible via my still charged cellphone was more than enough to live through the fever and the chills and shaking that had returned as my over-the-counter-medicine wore off and the emergency doctor on duty got to see me at my worst.

Long story short, I was one of the privileged people with access to a medical facility and a team of professionals who were able to determine I had a kidney infection with bacteria already present in my blood. Thanks to my privilege, I had 24-hour care for the next five days and was nursed back to health by super human beings holding the weight of a medical system that is broken in so many places. I celebrate them but today, I give thanks specifically for my two friends who showed themselves closer than family to me.