GIFT # 4 - What to choose, the urgent or the important?

It's Easter 2020. It's also my son's birthday. In addition, I'm behind schedule with my work and studies. Plus I did not go out for my daily walk. We're still living with Covid-19 restrictions. What should I do?

Since my son is the "chill" one in the family, I figured he wouldn't care too much about what we did for his birthday or what we did not. A quick inquiry into that confirmed I was right. "It's okay, Mom, don't worry about it." So, I putzed around attempting to get my lesson plans in order for my students and adding to my writing drafts for four, yes, FOUR, final papers for graduate school.

The whole time though, I could not shake this feeling I was making the wrong choice, focusing on work and studies instead of celebrating my son and remembering the true meaning of Easter.

Many years ago, I read the little booklet, Tyranny of the Urgent, by Charles Hummel. It was the first time I became aware of the tension between my choices in life and how far too often, I have chosen to take care of the urgent (deadlines) instead of the important (relationships). Soon after, Brené Brown made a lot of sense to me in her Gifts of Imperfection, shedding light that my pursuit of perfection was the answer to why I often failed to choose to do the important over the urgent.

And now here we are, at least four months into my self-directed learning project for grad school where I'm focusing on self-compassion. If I focus on my work and school, I will feel guilty about not celebrating Easter and my son's birthday. If I pour my attention into celebrating the birthday and Easter, I will not accomplish much work. Seems like a lose-lose situation to me.

Well, one of the things that my professors have been stressing at grad school is the absolute need to incorporate self-care into our daily routines. The huge irony is that my student schedule is so full, there is hardly any time available for self-care. I have been doing much better choosing the important over the urgent in the last couple of months. More often than not, this means I have been at peace with showing up as "just enough", versus, "over-the-top perfect" in many things that I do and say. Staying sane is better than being stressed.

Today, I chose to continue on that path to balanced mental health. I put my work and studies on the back burner while I engaged in speaking my language of love to my son, my family and my self. Yes, I spent some time in the kitchen whipping up some beautiful food. I smiled as I looked at what I created. My tummy smiled as I enjoyed how good everything tasted. And my heart smiled as my son expressed his thanks for the special presentations.

Tomorrow, I will take care of the urgent. Today, I took care of the important. PS - as a family, we also watched a live-theater show about the story of Jesus in the afternoon (yes, Easter is not about bunnies or chocolates) and we ended the evening watching the last installment of the Star Wars saga. Pretty close to a perfect Easter/birthday weekend if you ask me.