TILT # 13 - If you don’t change, nothing will change

I’ve been so busy I did not notice this year-end was a change in decade and not only a change in year. So, I busied myself even more to look for 10 perfect things to share that marked this last decade for me to write for this blog post at the end of a milestone year. Now, isn’t that a sickness? This constant pursuit for perfection? Well, guess what? I’m not doing it. No more chasing perfection. I’m laying down my quest for it.

Still, because it IS the last day of the year, I am giving thanks. It won’t be 10 perfectly linked experiences to represent the last 10 years the way I planned in my head but whatever. It will be what it is. Que sera, sera.

I am thankful that several years ago, I had a major health scare. Just before a new school year, I was pronounced a “walking stroke” (crazy high blood pressure) and by all accounts, I should have been hospitalized but surprisingly wasn’t. Even as I waited for an appointment to see my doctor for an early annual check-up, I started writing letters to my kids to be opened on their birthdays in the future because it was now plausible I would not be around long. Nothing like an unexpected early meeting with Mr. Mortality to cause one to stop and think. That’s when the light bulb went on. Nothing will change if I don’t change.

I think it was Einstein who was attributed with saying that insanity was doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. I don’t know what caused me to think I could make lousy choices for my body and expect to cruise by life in tip-top shape. I don’t know why I also believed the lie that I could magically cause the 30 lbs gained by 3 decades of poor eating choices to disappear in 3 weeks. I’ve tried too many diets to remember them all. I’ve gained and lost at least 100lbs over the years with yo-yo dieting. I’ve told myself, “I can’t give up…..” (fill in the blank with your favourite food or drink or any current lifestyle choice you’re making). If you really want something, you will find a way. If you don’t, you will find excuses. I know. I had many excuses.

Having blood pressure numbers equating a “walking stroke” meant I had no excuses left. I put down my pen from writing letters to my kids. I started researching ways to get back to full health. I chose a different way of eating as well as eliminate chemicals from my home. I began saying No to causes and requests that were not close to my heart. I stopped glorifying busy-ness. I started incorporating simple physical activity such as walking into my daily routine (we got a dog for that purpose) and last year, I actually joined a gym for the first time in my middle-aged life.

While I am not the poster child for a tremendous “Before and After” photo shoot, I am now beginning my 4th year back to wellness. I even survived a service-learning trip in the humid heat of the Ecuadorian Amazon, helping to build a school kitchen last year and this past summer, I actually fit into the classic dress I wore for my wedding rehearsal dinner 25 years earlier.

Although I am not yet where I wish to be, I have begun to change the voices in my head. IMPOSSIBLE is now sounding more like I’M POSSIBLE. Things will change because I am changing. Here's to a new decade of being.

Beloved, I wish you a happy and healthy year, wherever you are.

Image by Antonios Ntoumas from Pixabay