TILT # 15 - Do no harm but...

The last few months have been like a deep dive into the search for the real me. It's like a tour down the depths of the Mariana Trench of the Pacific Ocean where it's cold and dark. It's also like being stuck as a kitchen porter/ kitchen assistant in a Mexican restaurant where one's job is chopping onions all day long. It's a mix of scary and confusing, laced with lots of tears yet fueled with the deep desire to be true.

I've immersed myself with learning how to observe, listen, and communicate in new ways. In many of my classes, I hear the term, "suspend your judgement" and I do my best to comply. In some cases, the choice to do that on my part has opened my viewpoints to embrace fresh (to me) ways of perceiving life. In some other cases though, on the receiving end, I have experienced cynicism to how I wish to think positively of people. It seems people cannot believe me when I say that.

So, I spent some months looking to be more like the world around me. I laughed at jokes and people I never used to before. I even started swearing (oh my goodness). When something negative happened,I chose to think badly of the person(s) involved.

To be brutally honest, trying to find myself by being somebody I was not was freaking tiring! My book of faith tells me to there is the power of life and death in the tongue. Therefore, since I was a teen, I learned to choose life. Faith became very central to my identity. Also from the same book is the teaching that love hopes all things...and the challenge to appreciate those not like me. I absolutely love the translation for these verses in Matthew 5 found in The Message: If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that.

As my pendulum continues to swing from the extreme left to the extreme right, I am making the choice to stand firm in some parts of my identity. Enough yo-yoing. I will never have language like a drunken sailor and I see no need to apologize for the fact that I would rather not swear. And if I say I choose to believe in good and you think I'm lying, then, that's a story you are telling yourself about me and I don't need to defend myself from your triggers. If I am to honour how you are made and let you be you, why is it that I am not given the same respect and allowed to be me? In a world filled with negativity, why wouldn't you want to encourage goodness and kindness and compassion?

Beloved, I know, as a parent, what I am teaching you to choose. As you grow, you will see that you are in the world but trust me, you do not have to be of the world. Do not let anyone have the power to tell you who you are. Do no harm but take no sh*t either. Yep. That was a bleep! I meant it.

Annual summer fireworks (Kirkland, Quebec)